Build Me Up, Buttercup

I figured it out today.

what made us grow apart.

it wasn't our forbidden friendship.

it was him.

that night.

he made me cry for hours.

he made me want to kill myself.

and what did you do?

you sat back and let it happen.

you were my best friend.

my support.

my sister.

and you did nothing.

that's when i realized that our friendship had been minimized to nothing.

all because of this one boy that took your heart.

and stabbed it.

but i was still there for you.

still am.

we've grown distant.

that's fersure.

but our friendship is re-building itself.

i still consider you to be my best friend.

i don't know where i stand with you.

but i'll take what i can get.

Hey, Hey. This Is No Dream

thinking gets you nowhere.

that's what i've decided.

all it does is make your mind go in circles.

that's no fun.

i wish the answer would just pop out at me and be like,

"Hey! I'm the answer! Choose me!"

But that would be way too simple.

Goddammit.

teach me something.

anything.

about making the right decision.

help meh puhlease.

The Loop

Goddammit.

Here we go again.

Another day,

another tease for my heart.

Nbd.

Yesbigdeal.

Whatever.

I'll get over it.

Eventually.

Love Like This

My heart is skipping beats.

This sucks.

Nothing can come from it;

yet it feels so right.

That one factor is ruining everything.

Goddammit.

I'm a terrible person

and I'm going to hell.

Ohwell.

At least it's warm there.

Hopefully Kevin's right.

I mean,

it could happen.

It almost happened a couple times.

But that one factor.

"And as strange as it may seem,

I'll go if you take me

I'm willing to sacrifice.

That's why you keep on runnin'

In and out of my mind."

fml.

This Is The End Of The World As We Know It

oh boy.. what did I just get myself into..

that's it.

Truth Is..

Truth is, I don't like myself.

Truth is, I think I'm the most hideous thing alive.

Truth is, I think I'm annoying.

Truth is, I would kill myself right now; I just don't have the balls.

Truth is, I think I'm stupid.

Truth is, I don't think I deserve anyone or anything.

Truth is, my mom tried to get rid of me when I was a baby.

Truth is, my dad doesn't give two shits about me.

Truth is, I've been cutting myself since seventh grade.

Truth is, I'll never stop.

Truth is, I don't care about life.

Truth is, I'm a fuck up.

Truth is, I don't care.

Truth is, I hate being guilted into things.

Truth is, I hate being under pressure.

Truth is, I'm extremely shy.

Truth is, I don't believe anything anyone says about me when they compliment me.

Truth is, I wrote this so you would know how I feel.

I'm Handing This To You On A Silver Platter

It's all I can do.

To make it through the day.

It's such a struggle.

It's hard to believe that I've made it this far.

But I'll suck it the fuck up,

and get over everything.

Each

and every

thing.

Oh Boy, What An Adventure

This week.

Boy what a week.

Stress, tears, fights.

But most importantly:

joy.

My brother, the Marine, is home for ten days.

Not as long as I would like, but hey, it's better than nothing.

I have to share him with a billion other people, though.

Which is unfortunate.

But again, it's better than nothing.

Is it stressful?

Oh hell yea!

I need some delicious, green bliss right now.

The only thing I'm looking forward to in Palatine.

Going through this sober just isn't working out for me.

Especially with the awkward situations that are being thrown in my direction left and right.

I need it.

To sort out my thoughts.

Whatever.

Peace out, nukkahs.

They're Just Jealous 'Cause We're Young and In Love

The rush.

The feeling you get.

The adrenaline pumping through your body like you're the Incredible Hulk er something.

Everybody's felt it.

That "new love" kinda feeling.

You know?

Sweaty palms;

heart racing;

uncontrollable butterflies.

What a wonderful feeling.

Am I right?

I think anybody would agree with me that the sensation one gets when talking to the person that their heart has suddenly grown fond of is quite possibly one of the best feelings one could get.

Right again?

Thought so.

You're A Grade "A" Creeper

You're ridiculous.

You're with my family and you're gonna act like this?

Really.

You need to grow the fuck up.

Along with your little "friend."

You can't trust me?

Imagine how I've felt the last six months.

You and Hiliary can live your lifes; without me.

This Would Be Easier If You Were A Lamp

You were the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I did the worst thing I could have done.

I don't know why things turned out the way they did;

but everything happens for a reason, right?

Just reassure me that after you're gone, you'll still be there.

I know you love me and I love you too.

Don't doubt that for a second.

I want you to know that I'll ALWAYS be here for you.

Know that there is better than me out there.

Just keep swimming.

Don't look back at the past but look at what's ahead of you.

You have a long life to look forward;

don't let me be the reason to not be excited.

For You; From Me

Every time you tip that bottle I can feel it. It's like for every sip you take, a piece of me dies. I can't stand the way I make you feel. But I do it anyways. I can't tell you how I feel because..well, it just wouldn't work. Everything would fall apart. Everything we worked so hard to build. All the fights we had to battle just to get to where we are. It would all be for nothing. But I have to. It has to happen. There's no way around it. I love you, but..

Unfortunate Amount Of Sorrow

I don't know what to do. I know how I feel but I'm too much of a recreant to say it to your face. Because I'm using you? Never. Because I'm afraid? More than you'd believe. You're one of my best friends. You're an amazing person. Hurting you would bring an unbelievable amount of bad karma. But I have to do it; unfortunately. I can't just drag you along. It wouldn't be fair. But I'm afraid. Afraid that you'll be too hurt to go on. Afraid that we won't talk. Afraid of the future. In all honesty, I love you. But I can't be this anymore. This duo. I'm sorry. This isn't the end of the book, just the end of that chapter. And I hope you'll let us go on to creating the rest of this book until it really needs to end. This. Is. Life.

Sickening

Your sarcasm. Your mockery. It's sickening. You need to get off your high horse and realize that you are nothing. You're not better than I am. Your ranking on the scale of life is a little after mulch and way before me. Don't try to intimidate or discriminate me. It won't work. You need to stop being so callow. Realize that we are the same. The only difference: age. But nobody can tell because of your immaturity. Grow. Up.

yea buddy.

I'm so sick of it.

Your bitching.

Your ditching.

Your lieing.

Your "dieing."

Your bragging.

Your dragging.

Your nagging!

Everything.

I'm sick of it.

And worst of all;

you're a slut.